.....

i feel a little lonely these days, though i have loads of ppl around me. my friends keep teasing me when i am lost in my own world, staring at people so awkwardly without even realizing it.

it feels like i am empty inside. something's missing, or i'm missing something..

mid-sems are on. i dont intend on mentioning more about them.

on left-handers' day, i gifted cheetos a 2 rupee coin. and gifted a coin to Nemo too.

i lived on paruppu-podi saadam for 3 days. gramma hid that container the day she returned.

honestly, the rains are bugging me. why cant it rain only in the catchment areas. i hate having to wade through the stangnant water outside my place. everytime it rains, i am sneezing and coughing and rubbing my nose for two days. and i hate being sick. ok nobody likes to be sick. but its bad when i REALLY WANT to do something.

i am seriously wondering what to do with my life. suddenly everyone is busy doing this and that, equipping themselves with placement/PG stuff. i am totally lost. i am yet to find out what i really like and want to do in my life. thats the problem with me. i like too many things that i cant decide on one. its not just "liking", i am totally into whatever i like.

i am desperately trying to divert myself from the ordinary......

and i HAVE to learn to cook. my sandwiches and dosas are not interesting anymore.

i just noticed. not a smiley in this post...

Hmmm.... GET OVER SOON, BORING TIME.

surprises & shocks

i've been eating TOO MANY chocolates these days and like Amma used to say, "vayathula aadu-paambe vandhudum" might happen. (she meant worms, she loves to exaggerate, u know)
somehow, the flavor of chocolate is still my most favourite! will never get bored of them.

the past week went CRAZILY FAST. i mean, too many things happened suddenly and back to back, back to back. some were pleasant surprises, some were rude shocks and some, i was numb to. all those happenings are sinking into me only now.

i missed catching up with a coupla friends. once, the anna university results spoilt it all and the other time, i was on punishment.. (enough of imagining. it isnt even worth your imagination)

DSP test. i did not have the book to study from. i managed to get a 24.5/50, okay? not that i am awesome at it, but when i saw my marks, i was happy that i "passed". i was gleefully looking at my scrawling ( in one sum, i cleanly wrote, "2x10=40"), when the teacher wanted to confirm our marks. she read out, "Upasana, 49" . i said, "Ma'm its 50, i got 24.5/50, i passed". she stared at me and said flatly, "no, you failed". my jaw dropped.

now i have to write this goddamned retest (and perhaps fail in that, as well)

-all for a unit test. so right now, i am busy finding a good place to bang my head against but my blog seems to be the panacea.

i am in final year. i want to keep reminding myself because no one else wants to.

a happy birthday came :) and went :) it was packed with fun.

PIZZA HUT :D

everybody is busy giving their GRE/TOEFL exams while i am sitting here, wondering what to do with my life.

despite pressure from all sides, i still feel like chucking everything away and freely commenting on Paati's aavakkai oorga while she gives me a worried look :P

its pouring. i dont like rainy chennai. but its not hot :D .

there are always little somethings that keep u going, adding some crazy fun to ur life, so even worries dont matter.
example: CB (ok, its my own little secret :P )
and my new E$***** beauty :-) (YAYYYYYY!!)

its actually nice to discover you are only loony , a few nuts loose up there... and not a seriously psychotic :)

Ahem.... a poem:

you think you are loony,
when the sky's so starry-moony,
but you shut your eyes and sleep,
dreaming of green meadows and white sheep.

it just rhymes. so dont make a fuss.. :P

-so long! :-)

pink , java, long-time-no-blog. :P

aunt reminded me of my blog. hence this post. thank u athai :P

• say 2 weeks back, we were watching "kandukonden kandukonden" on TV. gud ol grampa came up to me and pointed to aishwarya rai, .. "Ramba has become thin". it took me a bowl of puliodarai to smother my laughter :P

• san's new cinderella shoes :D
  

• spent close to 3 hrs with my adorable 2 cousins :-)

• waiting for the important arrival :-) (gramma)

• suchi's OSP (One Second Please) act, was a delight. :P gosh, i cant stop laughing about it
  
• our paper presentation :-)

• our praaject :P

• ------ our seminar with one Mr.Aravind. they way he expected us to do a new thing without ANY practice and the way he stupidly spoke about "dedication and passion", wanted me to yell at him " how about singing some swarams of kalyaani ragam, i ll sing ONLY ONCE, you should repeat EXACTLY WITH NO MISTAKES........ otherwise, get out". GOSH. WAT A CHARACTER.

• in my opinion, under pressure, you cant expect anything out of me. rate it as very bad crisis management or that i cant handle stress or that i am even fit for nothing. as often said, "i am wat i am". i do wat i like. i do wat i think is gud for me and for everyone. else i will shut up.

• never-ending supply of chocolates. (jumping in glee)

• JAVA CLASS. :D .... cheetos and i have FUNNNNNNNN sitting in front of our systems :P

• cheetos' tamil is "improving" by the day (rowdism kaatara nu neneppu vera)

• dave gave me some swami pix . and taught me a bit of vedic math.

• coffee shop thookified from college :(

• hoping for a more hi-fi coffee place inside college :P

• ok, so san has this pink file with some disney princess characters on it (snow white, cinderella, belle, sleeping beauty, jasmine and ariel) . we tried asking boys if they could recognize them. BELIEVE ME, ALL BOYS RECOGNIZED ONLY JASMINE, becoz she has black hair. hence we conclude, boys love black hair .. :D
  

• week of e^3 over :D
  

top floor

subtle acts of kindness.

a warm hug can alleviate all pain.

a kiss on the forehead reminds you that you are being loved.

the mental transformation from a child to an adult has been testified. . . or rather, i chose to believe it only then.

there are priorities in life. "mine, are none of your business" , is the attitude, unfortunately.

hope remains.

Me decides to decide on things.

alacrity is always welcome.

lesson i recently learnt : when u miss someone special to you , and u yearn for some good times/a few beautiful words or even an inkling of remembrance, it hurts when u realize , "he/she doesn't even think of u".
-hard, plain truth.

people change, friends change, attitudes change. love remains.

oh yeah. love, as in LOVE. there is only one form/type of love. and it is just LOVE.

the taste of Amma's Alu Kofta is still lingering in my tongue.

lastly,

(rose)

a HAPPY rose :-)

ME LOVES ME

maestro!

great.

sigh. sometimes, the most difficult person to understand is urself.

Ilayaraja ... he more than manages to create this tiny spark in my heart, to rejuvenate mind, body and soul and the world i know. he shows me what love, affection, devotion, innocence are.... and exposed me to a lot of other inexplicable emotions.

i have begun to understand music better than i can judge people... including me.

:)

so long!

i am cool.

discoveries/inventions in the recent past:

• found an old notebook full of silly poems written by Yours truly, when she was about 6 or 7 :P ah! letting imagination loose.... the delight of every child :)
  
• invented a new hair-do called "SPEED -BREAKER HAIR-DO"
• found a single red anklet :) yay! it looks so quaint n beautiful.
  
• invented a new dish. i just mixed a few of this n that and hey presto! a new dish. ok. it was a bit of kara sev, corn kernels, lime, choppped onions topped with some sweet chutney n coriander sprigs. ok it sounds very very ordinary. but i was delighted :P
  
• discovered i haven't grown any taller in about a year :D HURRAY!

what an exciting life :\ :P

i am the princess of my own kingdom!

rejuvenated. over lunch. with 2 of the most wonderful people i've ever met, in life. i forgot all about the plate and its yummy contents. i was savouring every moment of joy, laughter and 'feeling light'.
---- absence felt. dearly felt.

mixed emotions. random thoughts. mind working incessantly.

life is like an odd-looking patchwork quilt that takes the oddness of every bit of cloth used, to make it look beautiful when they are all sewn up together. and i am avoiding those sardonic eyes... quizzical about the appearance of the quilt, to embrace the warmth of it.

prayers. prayers. and more prayers.

God bless us all.